Lockdown

As I write we are all in lockdown due to the worldwide Coronavirus pandemic. I’m sure a lot has been written about the lockdown already, but what’s it like for an autistic adult?

Initially there was plenty of fear of catching the virus among the general population. I wasn’t too bothered though, as I believed the rumours that it was no worse than flu. I soon learned otherwise when I caught the virus myself. I won’t dwell on what that was like, save to say that it was far worse than flu and that my lungs still aren’t fully back to normal two months later.

Since I recovered, I’ve been able to return to work. As a teacher I’m a key worker, so I’ve been going into school once a week to look after children of other key workers and vulnerable children. I also teach Welsh to adults part time, and those lessons have continued online via Zoom.

So far, so ordinary. The problem is, though, that as an autistic man I don’t cope too well with lack of routine. I am in school on a different day every week, and while at home I’m subjected to a constant barrage of work-related texts and emails from both of my jobs. These invariably break my concentration on whatever I’m doing at the time, which causes a lot of anxiety. There is no consistency, no regularity to the week. Every day is different. The routines on which I rely to stay within my comfort zone and function properly are completely gone. I feel like I’m adrift. The metaphor of being up a certain creek without a paddle seems very apt.

I’m also unable to go out fossil hunting, which is my special interest and is another way that I relieve my stress. To use a metaphor, my pressure valve is inoperative as a result of this.

So how do I cope? Some days I can follow a new routine, but not all. That does help though. Trying to view everything with mindfulness also helps. But sometimes it all gets too much, and I find that I’m having meltdowns and shutdowns far more often than I normally would. As I write this I’m lying under my weighted blanket despite the heat, with a fan on full in a darkened room, trying to recover from one such episode. At times like this I can still write, but I doubt I could string a coherent sentence together if I had to speak. I often become non-verbal.

So yes, lockdown has been a mixed bag. What has your experience of it been like? Leave a comment.